On The Road To Long

by Chris White

You Know When You've Been On The Road Too Long... - when you're walking down the street and put your arm out before turning into a shop.

- when you can't remember your own mother's telephone number... or area code... or country code... or which country she lives in.

- when you don't hesitate to use a heavily soiled pair of underpants to dab sweat off your forehead. Even when they're not your own underpants.

- when sleeping in a real bed makes you seasick.

- when the smell of road kill makes your stomach rumble.

- when someone asks 'So, how's your sex life?' and you genuinely have no idea what they are talking about.

- when the idea of machine washing your clothes sounds about as ridiculous as dressing up a pet pitbull in designer knitwear.

- when you're walking down the sidewalk, step into the road to pass someone and automatically look to where your mirror should be to check for traffic.

- when that oily chainring mark on your calf becomes a permanent tattoo.

- when someone asks you what day it is and you realise you can't even remember what year it is.

- when you find you have chain oil on your fingers and can't help but dab a little under each armpit.

- when your sleeping bag smells like someone died in it and wasn't discovered for eight months.

- when you like the smell of your sleeping bag.

- when people will only hug you at arms length.

- when you start brushing your teeth in Coca-Cola.

- when you shake your head and several species of bug fall out of your hair which were previously unknown to science.

- when squatting behind a bush feels so natural you frequently nod off for twenty minutes.

- when you can no longer remember where you were hoping to get to when you started.

Chris Whites Journal